Voices in my Head, Filtered to a Page
Endless thoughts circled through my head waiting to be released, waiting to be heard,

though the shell housing my consciousness will not let it happen. I had not a fear of writing or a fear of failure but a fear of judgment, that being myself was not cool enough for those who were around me. Though I was proud of where I was with my academics, I began to feel stuck, yet confidence and the ability to learn was the window to growing my mind to higher levels of knowledge. Dweck specifically believes, “... intelligence is something that can be cultivated through effort and education” (1). Through effort and education, not being told or simply believing I was smart but actually proving it to myself and not others. Knowledge can not expand if the mind in question is closed off towards new perspectives or stubborn with personal feelings, especially a fear of failure. I had a fear of judgment that kept me quiet, undoubtedly one of the smartest in the room but my desire for acceptance overran my desire for knowledge. Becoming conscious of this mindset transformed my beliefs that people would like me for who I am rather than someone I was trying to be. I have expressed my growth mindset since the 6th grade, which went on to develop my writing journey, confidence, and ability to create.

For writing specifically, I learned that my journey was only beginning. It was roughly the middle of sixth grade when I began to take advanced classes and truly got into a more confident, learner mentality rather than just feeling like a student. It began slowly in my first year of middle school, where my hand was up first in every class whether it was the right or wrong answer.

Outside of the classroom, I began creating youtube videos and funny songs that I would upload because I enjoyed doing it. I got laughed at and made fun of, but I also got attention and praise for literally doing something I enjoyed. Therefore I thought, who cares what someone else thinks, I know who I am. This newfound confidence helped me be able to deal with the unsolicited opinions of others. I learned to field out the hurtful criticism and focus on the ways I could improve. As a student and a creative, my goal became growth. This goal opened a discovery of wonder and led me to do more than the average student. This new mindset began not only in school but in life as well. My answer to the routine question, “What did you learn today?” transcended traditional boundaries. Finally, my mind was open and I was excited to learn.

Seventh grade began and I instantly joined clubs to further my education. As my growth mindset continued to thrive my writing skills improved into an achievement that I call the ability to create. I began writing more than just forced pieces. I wrote poetry, songs, and random stories. For example a song of mine titled, “Im Better Dreaming,” says, “Wake up you been trapped for a minute/ I feel better dreaming that's not my intention/ Because getting over myself caught someone else's attention.” I began to realize positive outcomes were possible but like Lamott, she advised, “You need to start somewhere. Start by getting something -- anything -- down on paper” (2). I already had broken outside of the box holding my mind hostage therefore, I wanted to be heard and seen. I continued to write songs, poetry, or stories forever, yet without sharing my thoughts my ideas were not being heard. Before starting anything that will not expand overnight, it is in human nature to overthink the future possibilities of failure or even the fear of not seeing growth. This process would spiral out of control until it feels as if there is no longer a need to begin. Though nothing happens instantly, and being heard by few is much better than being heard by none, my growth mindset allowed me to be confident enough to share my work

without any disappointment. No matter what others said or thought, the only objective that truly mattered was impressing myself. I began sharing stories and ideas with my teachers and classmates, and eventually released my first song describing my passion and path rather than something that made people laugh. As my ability to create opened up doors to multiple paths and outlets, it gave me comfort and a filter for whatever was going on in my head, and this evidently was a page.

I now understand that the destination does not reveal satisfaction, yet the journey is what develops greatness. Coach Wooden described, “The goal is hard work. The reward is the satisfaction that you pushed yourself to the edge physically, emotionally, & mentally” (Abdul-Jabbar 86). When one goal is reached many describe an empty feeling, that the holy grail has been discovered and no incentives come with it. Sure money, fame, or other materialistic values could be inherited once a goal is reached, but living in the moment of hard work compels my mind. Reminding me that there is always room to grow in this society, as long as there is an open mind involved. Without my focus being self-improvement and knowledge an end goal would seem purposeless, as what I accomplish is for myself. I have been through low points and made it back to the highs. Therefore, today I can look back at previous times I overcame hardship, and gain motivation to keep pushing through future obstacles standing in my way. Everything develops purpose through perspective, therefore a mindset is always perspective, and to continue to grow there constantly must be the belief that I can. For every rock bottom I hit, I must, and will get back up. I believe in my ability to grow and learn, and do not fear failure or mistakes, allowing me to forever express my growth mindset. My writing journey had bloomed into creative expression while unlocking self-confidence and an ever-burning passion to create.

Works Cited
Abdul-Jabbar, Kareem. Coach Wooden and me: Our 50-year friendship on and off the court.

Hachette UK, 2017.
Dweck, Carol S. "Brainology: Transforming students’ motivation to learn." Independent school

Magazine. 2008.
Lamott, Anne. "Shitty first drafts." Writing about writing: A college reader, 1994: 527-531